so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
