You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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