I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
