I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
