my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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