I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
