I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just high enough for therapy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
