he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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