I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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