you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
