Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
