its not stalking. its research.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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