well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
