I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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