that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
