You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
