It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
