is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
