I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
