i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
