he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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