no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
