WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
