It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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