he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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