she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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