I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
