Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
