I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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