Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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