1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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