Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
