Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
