Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
