There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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