May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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