Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
