Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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