So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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