when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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