wanna go halves on a baby?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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