he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
