What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
