oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
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My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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