i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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