You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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