yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
