Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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