o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
