my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
