please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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