I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
