Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
