After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
