She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
