glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
