Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
