You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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