New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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