its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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