FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
