Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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