I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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