no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
