the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
