Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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