And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
